Alcohol and Drug Abuse Lake

journal

Alcohol and Drug Abuse Lake

Tender is the night when you split it open right after midnight. Tender is the hand that has been warmed by a liquid yellowed until it looks like honey (some parts thumsup, some parts water, no water for me, neat for me, why are you not drinking?). Tender is the soul that is being tended to by all things wrong, in the pursuit of the Absence of Sadness, or to put enough dirt on the deal, a temporary cremation of our unhappiness. Tender is the Dream you carry within you, layered over and over with all these years that keep coming in between you and yourself. The drink is half done, and the night is still ripening, the scent of night jasmines carrying with them the weight of a life left behind, and a life yet to come. It gets too much, just for a split second; that’s when you empty the glass. Another one, another kind, another time.

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Dream a Little Dream of Me

It comes and goes, the need to be cared for. It lingers when there’s hotness in the air, all windows closed, doors shut. I broil over in desire until the sensations find a place to reside in me. Just as they settle in, there’s an ache in the back of my head, and I turn around. All gets undone within me. I shut my eyes into the floral pattern of my pillow, and dream a meadow. I dream a meadow, and a lake, and a mountain, and the rain. I dream of the good things forcibly, to lull myself to sleep. We know what comes next.

Superstitious

Right foot out the door first. Do not walk under a ladder. Do not yawn without snapping your fingers in front of your mouth. Do not leave a sneeze without a godblessyou or a thakurjee. Do not forget to name the gods when you are in trouble. Do not eat anything that was left uncovered during the eclipse. Keep a glass of water near you when you sleep, your soul travels at night to quench its thirst. Tell my soul to fucking get over it, I am the one who feels the hunger and the thirst all day long, and it is not even My Hunger or My Thirst, in a complicated way, right? Do not let a black cat cross your path. Do not sweep away your house at night, you might wake up in the middle of nowhere.

Demons and omens are everywhere, and the more cracks you walk with on your body, the easier it is for them to enter and reside in you. You are but a house, awaiting possession. If your insides are cluttered with memory and grief, you will get haunted. If you walk around, rattling your empty self, you will get possessed. It will be either of the two, there is no third way, at least not one we are aware of.

Rituals

Smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning. Drink chai no matter how late you are getting. Stop by and chat with A- and R- everyday, no matter how late you have gotten. Make sure to take the specific route you always take. Drink coffee with another cigarette at 12, and then right after lunch. Buy the same kind of pens. Get angry that they don’t work good enough. Walk back after office, and stop for chai again. Stop at the same store to buy milk. Sweep the floor, use the same jasmine room freshener, it helps you sleep. Put away the jeans for tomorrow, take off all the rings and earrings. Smoke another one. Lie down until. Shampoo your hair on all days except Thursdays and Saturdays. Wait, that was for the superstition section. Can we edit this? No, it has already gone for print. Well, let’s just, let’s just pretend we don’t actually have a Fear Of Things, and this is a hyperspecific ritual. Oh the people with self diagnosed disorders and whatnot will love it. Is that our target audience? Do we have an audience? Are we meeting our targets this month? Wait, the year is about to end, what about the yearly report? Oh, you will be out of office next week onwards? I did not know that, I thought we could grab a drink after work one of these days. Well, maybe next time. What are you doing today, oh you are busy! Okay, okay. Get on with the report then. By the way, do you actually avoid shampooing on Thur- Sorry, I am getting a call.