Stretching for 1,278.6 kilometres

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm

I am not the first person, I will certainly not be the last. I am trying to find comfort in this thought. I can’t. Last night I used someone up. I told him all about my love for somebody else. Or so I was planning on doing. Only I couldn't. It is not easy to admit things, it is not easy to say certain things out loud. It’s not that tough to understand, if we really look at it; I’d rather be quiet with you from Monday morning until Sunday night than spend my words on someone else. All my words are about you these days anyway. Do you think if I close the curtains and shut the light and whisper something while on my bed, you will hear it over there? I don’t know. I am going to try anyway. 

This morning Romi came over, he asked me how I was feeling. The question seemed to imply I was supposed to feel something tangible, something that I could put into words and place on a plate right next to his tea. I just mumbled something (I’m alright), the way you do. In your absence, I have begun to mirror you. In your absence, I have realized the weight of your love still persists. 

I am counting my days, but even if God were to step down and ask, I wouldn’t be able to answer until what. I have decided to fill up my life with things which don’t matter once they are done with. I talk to people with the motive that I will be forgotten. I spend sleepless nights, not as a punishment, but because I have no other way. Life is fitful, rest doesn’t come easy to those who don’t want to wait for anything. I am passing my time, I am letting things touch me and go. Touch me and go. Come. Touch me and go. Please.

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someone asked me, so i think i should clarify - the first word in the title is always meditations.